Iraq has just ordered two thousand septic tanks from Russia. As soon as the Iraqis learn to drive them, they are going to invade ... Read more

Izzard went into a Baltimore bank to cash his check. Since he didn't have an account there, the teller asked if he could identify himself. "Sure," said Izzard. "There a mirror around here?" "There's one on the wall ... Read more

Jett was trying to light a match. He struck the first one and it didn't work, so he threw it away. He struck the second match. That didn't work either, so he tossed it. Jett struck the third one and it lit up. "That's a ... Read more

Jim sees his neighbor out back building a bunker, loading in 75 gallons of bottled water, hauling in a gas generator and so on. "So, uh, I guess you believe Y2K is a biggie huh?" "Naw", says the neighbor. "Ah's jes' ... Read more

Kennen was having a drink in a saloon when his neighbor, Stakely, came rushing in. "Ah think somebody's stealin' yore pickup truck!" the man said breathlessly. Kennan ran outside, but came back right away. "Well, did ... Read more

Kowalski and Janzek left Hamtramack and went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees. They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Kowalski finally said, "Janzek, I'm takin' the next tree we come to, ... Read more

Loomis: Does your dog have a license? Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the ... Read more

Melburn was strolling along downtown Natchez with a framed picture under his arm. "Hey, what yew got there?" asked a neighbor. "I dunno much 'bout art," replied Melburn, "but Ah just bought me an original Michelangelo ... Read more

Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in a rowboat on a lake fishing. Suddenly the spray from a motorboat racing by flooded their boat. "How we gonna get the water out?" asked Mayne. "Easy," said Willard. "We just bore a ... Read more

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had ... Read more