Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting ... Read more

Nurse: Would you like an appointment for next week?Patient: No, I'm sick ... Read more

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.Doctor: What does he call his other ... Read more

Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs ... Read more

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.Patient: What happened?Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?Patient: ... Read more

Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much ... Read more

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.Doctor: Tell me about your problem.Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid ... Read more

Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?Doctor: ... Read more

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?Doctor: Not really. It will just seem ... Read more

Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the ... Read more