I've been shopping for my wife's birthday present. What did you get her? A bottle of expensive toilet water. It cost 20. 20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could have had some of ours for ... Read more

It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit.He explained "I put my long life down to spending so much time ... Read more

Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong."I'll never understand women" said Joe. "The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do ... Read more

Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks. 'Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No ... Read more

Man l: "I got my wife a VCP for her birthday" Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?" Man 1: "No, a VCP . . . Very Cheap ... Read more

Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as his father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, 'Use this all over ... Read more

Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again. How can you be so sure? I was 10 years old ... Read more

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.'Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am,' he said politely, ' but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've ... Read more

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've ... Read more

What did one candle say to the other?"Don't birthdays burn you ... Read more