I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainly don't ... Read more

I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please ... Read more

I've just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was ... Read more

Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at first sight,' said Julie. 'It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my ... Read more

Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the worldWhat was I wearing ... Read more

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear.'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, ' it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, ... Read more

Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty ?Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'd probably say 'oink, oink ... Read more

Monster: I'm so ugly. Ghost: It's not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cigars. When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes. When I was born they simply passed ... Read more

Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to? Mrs Saggy: Yes, they couldn't find a crane strong enough to lift her ... Read more

My boyfriend thinks I'm beautifulWell they do say that love is blind ... Read more