Pilot: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"Pilot: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just ... Read more

Pilot says: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold ... Read more

Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority. Here are some actual humorous statements by airline flight crews: "Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going ... Read more

Stewardess" "Yes, Sir?" "I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep." "Captain, shut up and land the ... Read more

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" ... Read more

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?""The ... Read more

The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that they didn't get along.After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He ... Read more

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that ... Read more

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy droppeda rock, another dropped a brick, and the last droppeda grenade.When they got back on the ground they were walkingdown the street and they saw a woman crying. Being ... Read more

Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument ... Read more